Growing up, mid-life crisis was something that happened to people when they hit 40. I heard all this talk around me about "men" and "their midlife crisis". Divorces and cars were left over, lasting testaments to a midlife crisis. Nowadays, divorces abound and they don’t wait til 40. "Midlife" on the other hand is now closer to 50. Finally, who said it only happened to men or only once?

A few months back I believe I hit what I would call "a midlife crisis." It was a moment when suddenly the definitions and suppositions I had for my life were challenged and panic sent a piercing chill to my bones. I foreshadowed my future and scrutinized my present. My eyes began twitching occasionally and I longed for peace of mind.

I was 36, not 40, but the crisis hit: I have dedicated 7 years to my business and to making a difference in my hometown.Nothing seemed to change. The Island has seen "its worst year ever" in economic performance for the past 7 years straight. Should I stay or should I go? For a couple of years now, my sister served as a constan­t reminder that life could be easier, better, elsewhere. Suddenly dear friends left along with their darling families. My quality of life on daily basis was impacted. Over half a dozen peers had left in search for better opportunities -and found them. Will I ever finish my thesis? Will I ever be able to travel and worry less about bills? Save money for my kids education? I had witnessed 3 government administration changes and seen how research, plans and programs built with the private sector were tossed aside over and over again. With each administration we started from scratch building a new roadmap to economic development without reference to the prior plans or lessons learned. I felt stuck and hopeless, I knew despair was around the corner.

Around that time, my husband told me of a dear friend of his who also was going through a rough time. She and I had quite different life paths and yet at around the same age and time felt shaken. Knowing what she was going through, helped me come to terms with my crisis and standing beside myself see that I was not alone. That midlife crisis I had heard of when I was young did not happen just at 40, nor just to men, it was more than likely what was afflicting us both, and it was comforting to know I was not alone.

Once I felt connected through this experience with the rest of the human race I was uplifted by the conviction that, I, like many others before me, would find a way through this crisis — maybe not with a new sports car, but the end was in site.

I chose one of the angst ridden questions and took it upon myself to work on resolving it. Finishing the write up of my doctoral fieldwork was one thing I could plan and control -with the help of my husband and family of course.  Jim encouraged me to resume my a weekly pilgrimage to a family owned apartment where I would be all alone from Friday evening to Saturday afternoon: 18 hours all alone, 10 hours of work. During this time away I observe silence. In that silence, I am able to ponder and analyze many things, not always related to my thesis. These retreats have helped me immensely to regain my peace of mind and clarity. Leaving also heightens the joy of coming home to my family.

Working on that one item of concern on a regular basis set me on a pace and a path to make it through the wilderness of my anxiety. Work related anxiety could only be resolved with more work and better plans. Jim and I have worked many long days and nights and this year the company grew 20%. In a strange and unexpected way, facebook, has helped me find friends from all around the globe. It is a great feeling to see their faces and hear from people whose company  made my life wonderful at different points in time. I still feel the sting of the recent absences but am heartened to be back in touch with both families as well.  Jim shepherded me into working out at night. The added strength makes me feel more empowered and prepared to face a long, long life.

My children continue to grow in years and loveliness. Olaia and Jaimito are making new friends. Javier is now sleeping in a big boy bed sharing his room with Asier, who now sleeps in the crib. Time moves on, and so have I left my midlife crisis behind me. Again, I am able to say I have no regrets. There is not a single ideal life plan out there that fits us all.

I don’t have more answers today than I had when the crisis hit. I have wrestled the questions and separated the unfounded from the meaningful. I am about to turn 37, close to the mythical 40 mark. Having had my crisis earlier, I have found peace in my new work plan and am confident that the best is yet to come.