Children are so fascinating, yes I know, especially your own. These days I must be a single person’s nightmare for my conversations, my musings are about my children. Granted I do think and talk of other topics, but those give me anxiety as I feel a rush to take out a pen jot down ideas, to do lists, draw diagrams and looking at my agenda try to save the world around me. But when I talk of home, ahhhh, I find peace, balance and wonder. Thank God for my children, literally and wholeheartedly I believe they keep me sane.
In fact, thinking of my kids has become a trick, somewhat of shortcut to switching gears.
Can’t sleep, can’t take a break, barely breathing… in order to take a deep, a really deep-oxigenating-idea-opening-breath I begin by thinking of my kids or interacting with them – heck that’s the wonder of having them around!
Recently our company’s child care assistant quit. It took us by surprise, or maybe not, but my husband and I still feel the sting. Part of the sting is -not so much that she left, we had been talking about this for a while so it was not a surprise – her leaving led us down a tired debate: "Well, what are you going to do?" "Sign your children up for day-care or extended care." "You should separate home life from work."
We, of course, believe that the home/work dichotomy is a fabrication that does not always serve the company best. I believe that companies can begin showing greater social responsibility by recognizing that employees are human beings, members of messy families. Rather than silently discriminate against women employees during their "family/procreative years" embrace the families in the company, build community and company appreciation by divising plans to introduce flexibility for employees to balance their own social responsibility with their productive, creative commitment to the company.
But I reckon I hold a minority perspective in many succesful circles. The tried and true professional tradition, people succesful in the current "system" or ways things are done assume the only right way is to separate home and work. So, I entertain these converations two or three times a year from friends and family. The conversation is very similar each time, we go back and forth again and remain each side unconvinced or agreeing to disagree. More importantly, beyond disagreeing philosophically my husband and I are willing to put our ideas to the test and incorporate child care and flexible work hours and work from home into our company. This is the point where I would like to say we are multi-millionaires – that would end most arguments, but rather we are what we like to say: "working on it" but with the satisfaction of doing it "our way."
This time it was different though, I slipped a curve in the conversation. I challenged the "wisdom of the ages" and asked, "Well WHY is it better to separate the home from work? Can you point to my children and tell me I am causing them irreparable harm?"
Yea, I know it is a cheap shot to refer to my kids as guinea pigs but then most parents will confess parenting is taking chances and full of theories put to the test. Moreover, after 7 years of the same ol’ conversation, I have earned the right to challenge them on a point of fact looking at our own experience.
My children view first hand that their parents have good days and bad days, work lots of hours, need to concentrate at times, get frustrated, fight, argue. Oh, the horror, they would say. But I insist, my children also see their parents resolve their differences. They see first hand that being mad does not equal not loving or caring, they know and see the time for speaking up and the time for letting things go. Our children also see us laugh and have fun.
All this talk about "quality time" and dividing oneself between the office and the home, the career and the mom. It just seems unnatural. Do we need to shelter everybody from all the parts of our lives? "Yes," I hear my detractors say, "or nothing will get done. Everything will be all messy"- of course, I add to their argument "and the fear of what will they think if they only knew I was an imperfect human too."
In my experience, sharing and mixing things up in moderation seems to work wonders. Granted, I do recognize that we need not be familiar ALL the time, and when work needs to be done concentration and focus are required. But at the same time, it is nice to see business men talk about their children for a change or have them give me an understanding nod as my 3 year old son walks into the
meeting room to tell me a secret: He loves me.
Jaimito did just that. It happened the very day that my employee quit
and I happened to have a meeting that afternoon at the Chamber of
Commerce.
There I was just in time to preside over the Innovation and Technology Committee flanked by my 6 year old daughter, 3 year old son, and 7 month old infant baby boy in a stroller. I had not planned it this way – for this would fall into one of those "working need concentration moments" , but there I was, making the best of it. In moments like these I remind myself that most of my business colleagues, are parents as well. I get into this "rebel zone" where I convince myself that ideas, progress and results are the things that matter. I am keenly aware that the mommy visage will work against me, people will likely ask what is this mom doing here, why should she be in charge. Then I let a silent war cry for all working mom’s – let the work we do settle the score and
challenge any prejudice.
But you see, there I go, talking about work when I am sitting in bed, with the purpose of writing about my children — cause I want to go to bed and have sweet peaceful restful dreams. So lets flip the switch:
Aren’t children funny!
Jaimito is one of those "flip the switch" kids.
For the better part of a year, we were after him to get toilet trained.
He would give us a dissertation, he knew the process, he knew his older
friends from the park did it, he knew it was part of growing up, he
knew and understood all there was to say on the subject. We tried
education, incentives, peer pressure, getting upset, not caring, we
tried so many strategies it seems funny looking back. In the end, he
went when he was good and ready and not a day earlier. One morning,
like flipping the switch he was ready and never went back.
That was the first time we noticed he was a "flip switcher."
Now, in retrospect, I can
see he did the same with his language skills. He was eighteen months
old and I was being ridiculously neurotic, wondering when he would be
more verbal. I know the books say not to worry, but I did anyway. Lo
and behold, around twenty months he just progressed drastically and by
age two, strangers remarked at his advanced expression.
More recently, after he turned three I became interested in having him
practice his scholastic aptitude and routines: holding pencils,
coloring, following instructions, concentrating, listening to stories,
repeating songs, LEARNING SPANISh in our case. All efforts were lost on
him until suddenly this month, at 3 1/2 he cannot have enough school
like projects. His dedication, enthusiasm and good work leave me again
laughing at my earlier worried self. He just had to flip the switch.
I don’t think I am a flip switcher, except in this: I can assure you
that with thoughts of my little big boy before me, all else is
irrelevant and distant. I will be going to sleep with a smile and I
thank God and Jaimito for that!