When love pours out and touches another life the human ground it touches is nourished and made ready for the harvest.  I have seen this miracle occur many times. It happens between loving parents and their children. It can be seen even in the brief moments when we give of ourselves to strangers with a need. I can see it in my own life.  ­

I have a deep appreciation for rituals and tradition, I also am known among friends for fun and familiar gathering, so perhaps that is why it seemed unlike me to not care to celebrate my birthday. Everybody has their own idea of how I should celebrate: a big bash, a small party, a dinner out, a night out to the theater.  My husband and I had talked about having another  Fushi Party – that one was an eclectic combination of Homemade Fondue and Sushi. I thought of perhaps a Pishi Party – this time offering Homemade Pizza and Sushi. I laughed at the thought. It would be fun. But in the end, I opted for nothing special.

I am not forgoing celebrating my life. I love my life and am immensely thankful for it. I feel uniquely blessed with an abundance of love surrounding me. But when I looked deep inside I did not quite feel like celebrating. I had just blown off two weeks of working on my thesis due to Thanksgiving holidays. Kids were off and the holidays were upon us. Taking another week of no writing -no matter how fun the evening- was not going to give me peace. Then I also thought of my dear friends that would not be here this year – those that recently moved away. The party would reveal to me the gaping hole I still felt. Finally my decision was cinched when I got the sad news of Roger Berny’s passing.  I just do not feel like putting up a bash, nor a gathering. I want to write, I want to eulogize a person I cherished and move on to celebrate another day. There are things and emotions I need to work through before I can loose myself in the gaiety of a party. It being my birthday, I have asked to be allowed to tend to these things first.

I can still remember the first tiime I met Roger Berny.

I went shopping recently at Walgreens and Kmart, I was looking for Thanksgiving napkins. It was Friday before Thanksgiving – a good 6 days before the holiday for which I was shopping. I was baffled to find not a single Thanksgiving item at Walgreens and only one measly cart at Kmart.  Instead of Thanksgiving fare, these national store chains had opted to begin the Christmas season early. In place of turkeys and pictures of bountiful harvests and Fall, there were inflatable Santa’s and images of a Winter Wonderland.

I guess, it was the Winter Wonderland that did it for me… but suddenly my cynicism  was running full steam.  Who decided that Puerto Rico was the place to sell Holiday decorations illustrating a Winter Wonderland. What exactly do these stores believe I am celebrating. How is a Puerto Rican Christmas even remotely related to a snowman?

This is a perfect example of how consumerism, run a muck ends up obfuscating completely the very simple reason for coming together. In places where Winter may still serve as a watered down safe shorthand for Christmas it may not be obvious this season, but here in Puerto Rico this watered down safe celebration now makes not an ounce of sense.

Rather than promote a huge anti-Christian conspiracy, I think it is easier to suspect and believe that the decisions made business sense somewhere. Several executives found the logic smart. I can also suspect the purchasing director is in the Continental US.  The decision making process probably looked something like this:

1. Choose holiday merchandise that has the most crossover appeal. Generic and yet reminiscent of the Christmas Holiday get us: snowmans, snowflakes, candy canes, and maybe decorated pine trees. I believe the formula they used was:
   Christmas Season + Generic – Religious = Winter + Festive Generic Decorations
   
2. Start the Season early to extend the sales boom as much as possible.
3. If you are going to include Christmas icons, make them hip (ergo, Santa on the motorcycle)

With this in mind, I looked hard to find a picture of a Nativity Scene and found not a one in either store.

At a time when we often hear the plight of the little guy trying to keep his store open in the face of the big nationwide chains. I think the decision is clear: I will be doing my shopping in my corner store, the one that is locally one, where the family that runs it is well aware of local traditions and is not afraid to sell religious items for a religious holiday.

Growing up, mid-life crisis was something that happened to people when they hit 40. I heard all this talk around me about "men" and "their midlife crisis". Divorces and cars were left over, lasting testaments to a midlife crisis. Nowadays, divorces abound and they don’t wait til 40. "Midlife" on the other hand is now closer to 50. Finally, who said it only happened to men or only once?

This past Mother’s Day, I rebelled and reveled at slowly evolving family habits, common signs of our age.  Disney’s 1980’s home of the future is a reality in many ways. You press a button and two minutes later voila! you have dinner for 30 people. You turn on a monitor and sit down before it and you are having a face to face conversation a world away. On a single tv you can watch at the same time in different squares different programs. Your office and connectivity has you always here and there at once without need to have teleported.

As I mentioned, this Mother’s day I rebelled. I did so by declining to be treated to "holiday meal" at a restaurant.  This may not sound very rebellious or dramatic but as I look back "eating out" has been an ever growing trend a definite change from my child recollections and what is now customary. Remember easter brunch prior to the 80’s?  In my family it was a family feast at someone’s house.  Baking and cooking were part of the Easter vigil. Nowadays, Easter celebration is a hotel all you can eat brunch. 

Most wives see this as an improvement but changing traditions are usually a mixed bag of good and bad.  On this one, I am partly old-fashioned.

The fast paced lifestyle of today has resulted in a generation of women who feel tired and overwhelmed. Women who have lost the pleasure of cooking. These are the generation of women over 50 that do not have the perks of their mother’s or even that they enjoyed back in the 80’s.  When things were cooked and recipe’s were important, those who cooked were the recipient of praise and gratitude. Food was the centerpeice of every gathering.  If you wanted to find the happening place it was in the kitchen. 

Nowadays, the kitchen is a lonely place for many. Attentions are pulled into many directions away from the kitchen. Techno-gadgets divide the crowd into many pockets of activity. Recipe’s and cooking is not as revered, downgraded to an oldfashioned hassle.

I ask my generation and the generation above why not cook and chorus of answers varies between " why bother? It’s too much hassle", "I don’t know how to cook for so many people" or simply "I don’t cook."  So who’s in the kitchen? Sam, Costco, Giovanna’s catered delights and whoever is pressing the button to heat it all up. 

On one hand, my generation put aside the kitchen because it was more common for both parents to be working and something had to give way. On the other hand, we have gotten used to thinking why do it the hard way if there is a new shortcut, a new technology that simplifies life, a new globalized solution that requires you to drive a block and find the world at your finger tips… and if it is easy it is good.

Oftentimes what we have lost is quality and inspiration. As an artist,l ife without inspiration is not worth living. As an anthropologist, I do love having the world at my fingertips and discovering aspects of it a block away. This mother’s day I wanted to celebrate my memory of "Mom’s cooking for the family ."  My approach to cooking met the global economy half-way.  I walked into Costco and I was inspired.  I found the raw ingredients and accents I needed. Spicy baby bell peppers filled with cream cheese were a delicious treat. I thank modern day shopping for providing the shortcuts but I was ready to have it all fit together with a good dose of love and inspiration.

I gladly stayed in the kitchen and along with my husband and my brother we cooked up a delicious, simple and nice looking dinner, while the other moms hung out in and around the pool.

After dinner we sat around my brother’s IMac which he connected at the kitchen table and called my sister in Rhode Island.  I reveled at having my 93 year old grandmother videoconferencing, greeting my sister and her daughters over 5,000 miles away.  Though my grandma does not speak up these days, her great granddaughters were able to hear and see her.  I doubt my grandma fully understood how all this was possible but she was happy to benefit from today’s technology.

A few days later my Mother’s Day gift arrived. My brother had also arrived a day earlier, having traveled from Germany with his wife. Geeky as I am, I was excited to show him my tablet pc. He was eager to convince me to join the family and hook up on Skype to do Saturday morning video-conferencing with them. Having enjoyed seeing my grandmother use Skype I might as well. Our Basque friends have sent us a pc camera hoping we’d use it to call them. We already have a VoIP phone. Friends and family seem to be eagerly waiting for me online, Skype here I come.

Against the prevailing common sense we are a family of six: four children, two adults. Walking through the mall with Asier strapped to my chest and holding the hand of Javier while keeping an eye on Jaimito and Olaia, I get looks of disbelief and ocasionally blatant disapproval. To those who are atleast curious to understand how it is that we desired 4 instead of 1 and half or two I endulge with an explanation. 

Before you think we are fabulously wealthy and kids are an extension of our wealth, let me assure you you got it backwards. We got the kids and do live richly but we are still working on actual monetary wealth.